How To Look Like A Stripper By Alexia Moore

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“Porn star” Alexia Moore aka Cassandra Malandri was arrested in a sweep of a strip club that offered more than nude shows. (Read the whole story at the New York Daily News.)Photographic evidence shows that Alexia was once an innocent looking girl who became emboldened by excessive plastic surgery.

In the first photo, she has very average normal sized lips. After some sort of lip enlargement, she bore a trout pout.

She also had a succession of breast implants unsuited to her small frame. The first set of implant looked liked small baseballs under her skin. The second set were larger in order for them to hang more naturally. The third set was monstrously large and, I suppose, well suited for being a worker at a strip club. Obviously having large breasts that do not look like they could even be remotely natural is okay in that industry. Yuck.


Madonna is skeletor

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One of the sad side effects of cheek implants is the chance that the patient will look scarily gaunt if weight is lost. I call this gaunt look ’skeletor’ (like the scary character from the 80s animated series).

Madonna looks sadly unfortunate after a tough week of having her media flacks cancel her brother’s book tour promoting his tell all missive about what she is like behind the scenes (fun stuff like, ‘her real taste would terrify you’). Her cheekbones jut forward scarily as if she is channeling the skeletor look (it wouldn’t be nice if we were to accuse her of having hideous cheek implants, would it?).


The Ugliest Breast Augmentation Ever courtesy of TheDirty.com

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TheDirty.com has uncovered the ugliest breast augmentation ever. The patient is an Orange County Newport Beach type who is anorexic with huge bolted on breast implants. She is far too thin for the size breast implants she was given. Also, she is obviously underweight and not mentally sound; doctors are not supposed to perform plastic surgery on crazy people. See more pictures of this scary breast implant patient at TheDirty.com.


Audrina’s Fake Breasts

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The best thing about Audrina Patridge’s breasts is that they don’t look bolted on. They merely look oddly spaced and strangely shaped when not covered. Perhaps, if she’d had a better plastic surgeon, her breasts would hang normally, instead of looking like they are running in opposite directions.

Someone people think that there is something weird about Audrina’s eyes, like she has an extra chromosome or some other mental defect, but the rumor around Los Angeles about her is that she is a heavy prescription drug user, in particular a fan of Adderall, which gives the user energy without them having to eat.


Ellen Barkin is against invasive plastic surgery

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Ellen Barkin is against invasive plastic surgery, according to a recent magazine article. Sure, Ellen, we believe you. However, pictures don’t lie. Look at how her lips have varied in size; in the year 2000 photo, her lips are gloriously plump and the top one is slightly misshapen. In the year 2004 photo, her lips look like they have tubes inserted in them (could she have lip implants?). Also, her eyes look more ‘awake’ and her skin even looks smoother. It can’t all be the work of Botox.


Plastic porn star

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These are before and after photos of a famous adult star from the 90s named, JR Carrington. She was renowned for her beauty at the height of career. Now, instead of fading, she is still clinging to her looks. Her nose looks like it has been shaved down. Her skin looks like plastic and has no lines (she is in her 40s, so I don’t buy the no wrinkle look at her age). Her eyes also look pulled up. Overall, she looks like an alien.

Back to her nose, in the original photo it looks as if she has already had rhinoplasty. I wouldn’t be surprised if her original nose was more beak-like. If that is the case, her primary surgeon did a good job, because that nose fits her face perfectly.


Pick A Lip Size, Kate

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This actress refuses to pick a lip size. Her pout changes size depending on the occasion with disastrous results; she does not mind sporting a bad case of trout pout. Click here to see her identity.


Oh no, look at Hayden’s nose

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Hayden Panettiere plays the cheerleader on the tv show, Heroes. A recent email from a reader mentioned that her nose looks somehow different. I agree, it does. The tip of her nose looks slimmer and shaved down.

Does it work? No, it just looks and seems unnecessary. It makes her look older overnight. Why would anyone want to take away their babyfaced looks in ageist Hollywood.


Katherine Heighl’s Fish Lips

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Recently photos show that Katherine Heighl no longer has human lips. They have been replaced with fish lips! Her upper lip is barely recognizable and her bottom lip is starting to look pretty bad. The sad part is that Katherine has very nice lips to start with. Whatever she did to her lips to make them plump was overkill!!










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Is that Madonna or one of the Spitting Image puppets?

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Madonna is starting to look like a Spitting Image puppet and sufferer of ‘madamism‘, a term for the puppet like features caused by too much plastic surgery. Remember, people, plastic surgery does not make you look younger, it only makes you look plastic!

It looks like Madonna has had some facial refinements over the years. Her nose is different now, in particular, the bridge of her nose is higher.

Madonna’s cheeks are currently looking outrageously prominent and hardened as if she were a squirrel hoarding nuts.


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